8-minute read
We All Have Behavior Issues
The people you interact with in your NOW will either mirror your strengths or your weaknesses. That’s a pretty profound behavioral statement.
The bottom line is that we are all just a bunch of emotions and our behavior is always informed by emotion. We act or react in our Physical Plane by the feeling our Mental Plane is connecting with at that moment.
The people around you are as unaware of their emotions as you are when most situations arise. You and they have behavior issues…we all do.
You feel and then you react.
You react and they feel.
They feel and then they react, and it goes on and on.
Most are unaware of any emotion triggering the behavior. That is how we develop personality tendencies and habits. We see the behaviors, good or bad, as being the problem instead of digging deeper into the emotions that cause the often predictable behavioral responses.
So, let’s look at an example. You and your spouse get up early in the morning and rush to get ready for work. You wake up the kids, pull out clothes for them to get ready for school, make breakfast, pack their bookbags, get their coats and realize that nobody has eaten breakfast or brushed their teeth or put on their shoes and it’s time to leave.
Your Mental Plane emotions kick in that, “The kids never listen. They know we have to go but they just won’t cooperate no matter how many times I say things. Now they will miss the bus and I will be late for work. I am so sick of this happening all the time.”
Your Physical Plane believes what your mind tells it so frustration, anxiety and a mild panic kick in, and you start yelling and throwing things around to make everyone do what they should be doing.
The kids are as unaware of their emotions as you are. You and they have behavior issues exploding NOW. The kids mirror your behavior.
You feel and then you react.
You react and they feel.
They feel and then they react, and it goes on and on.
Some days work well so the misbehaviors get the blame for the family morning meltdown. The transition works itself out, one way or another, and the day breaks open and unfolds. Everyone stores their feelings, ignores, distracts, and moves on hoping it never happens again.
We are taught to bury the negative feelings, so we never pause long enough to move to the deeper level of what happened and why. Changing the behavior problems for expected morning routines to flow requires looking at the desired emotions needed for all to cooperate willingly.
Perhaps having a family meeting about making night routines that will help everyone be prepared in advance for the morning rush will work. The kids can lay out their clothes before going to bed and put their bookbags together after dinner. The family can sit together in the evening and discuss what they want to have for breakfast in the morning and even prep before going to bed.
The reward that will correct the behavior issues is that everyone will actually spend time sitting at the table together for a calm, happy breakfast before the day begins.
You feel, then you react. Talking about the emotions experienced when everything fell apart is important. Naming the negative emotions and the negative behaviors and agreeing that nobody wants that to happen again is critical. Naming the positive emotions everyone will have before heading out the door is healing and reassuring for all and should be articulated at the end of each delightful breakfast time together.
We can do what it is we desire if we work through what we don’t want to happen – agreeing to change the screaming and rushing around in a panic to making family plans to have time together before heading out the door brings about the change.
It may take patience and being consistent for a week or two for the children to create positive evening and morning routines, but being together for a happy morning breakfast is worth the focused care and makes them more self-confident, efficient and independent.
It may take Mom and Dad a week or two to break a few bad evening habits like binge-watching TV or scrolling on Facebook or Instagram after the kids go to bed, to have quiet downtime and an earlier bedtime, too.
Everyone changes their behavior when emotions are understood, listened to and accepted for the lesson they bring. Our behavior is always informed by our emotions. That’s what I call mastering the Mental and Physical Plane chaos to be more aware of the abundant and ever-available Spiritual Plane NOW.
LIVING IN THE NOW: The Secret to Making Each Day Your Best!