We all like to have others praise and accept us to feel that we really matter. A person who is loved and supported by other people receives what is called external validation.
When good things happen, such as getting the job you wanted, getting promoted, or getting a raise, we simply cannot wait to tell our loved ones, spouses, and close friends about it.
We are certain that we will receive validation from them.
Sometimes, however, this validation doesn’t come. What happens NOW? Does it cause you to have severe emotional problems as in depression or trying to deal with bouts of anxiety? Does your feeling of self-worth take a hit? It happens so quietly.
I know this to be true firsthand. My husband is a wonderful man who unselfishly works 24/7 for me, our 4 children, and our 6 grandchildren. Make no mistake, we have grown together for almost 45 years! The first years of our marriage were difficult with work demands taking him on the road, teens and sporting activities most evenings, tots with constant caring and attention, and my teaching and church ministry responsibilities.
The never-ending efforts expelled to maintain balance were challenging and we were truly exhausted most of the time. Until I allowed my hubby to be himself, the quiet man of few words, instead of who I thought he should be; talking and affirming us all the time, I felt lost, under-appreciated and lonely.
I guess I needed that external validation. Really? Yes. The problem was my Mental Plane self-talk and THAT is what I share with you to target during self-care times of change.
We make up our world to justify what we are focused on. Our body believes what our mind tells it.
Focus on the wonder, the love, and the potential within each perfect NOW. Let others be who they are – as you wish them to do the same for you.
Hopefully, you have been practicing self-validation during this month of February love.
If so, you know you can fall back on this realization that self-care provides the coveted internal validation. If not, NOW is the time to learn how to self-validate. Journal your thoughts and listen to your true self whispering to you.
What Do We Mean By Self-Validation?
According to psychologytoday.com, self-validation is the act of accepting our own internal experiences, including our thoughts and feelings. If you have spent self-care time with your true self (self-validating), you can overlook what other people think of you and revel in your accomplishments, knowing that you are valued, have gifts, and know your truth.
How do you validate yourself?
Here again, psychologytoday.com has suggestions to do this.
Self-validation may well be the most important thing that you learn in your lifetime, as it can make you feel emotionally valued and accepted. Retreat within NOW and journal to make these tips real for you and use these suggestions to help sustain your promise to live in a new NOW for 2023.
Tips for Self-Validation
- Be your own confidence builder. Yup. Constantly encourage yourself with those consistent self-care pauses. Be mindful of your emotions. Do not numb them. Remind yourself of how unique, capable and valued you are. There is no one like you!
- Know your strengths. Acknowledge your successes, progress and honest efforts. Don’t be negative toward yourself. Be always positive in what you tell yourself because your Mental Plane influence changes your Physical Plane world. Talk the talk and walk the walk.
- Know how you are feeling and accept these feelings. If something has gone wrong for you, remind yourself that things can often go wrong, for you or for anyone else, often. Mistakes happen. Grow and get over it and try again with the idea that all will go as it should in this new NOW.
- Make a list of your needs and prioritize them. Go through it, making the important things happen. Check this list every day. Journal about it. It does not have to be stagnant. You can add to it or delete items. Remember that this is a list of your needs, revealed in your self-care retreat within time, so choose to be a “me person.”
- Be kind to yourself. You always try to treat others with genuine kindness, so why not be kind to yourself? Here ya go NOW: Stop criticizing yourself. Allow yourself some grace. Accept the fact that you are human. You have limitations and flaws, and you make mistakes. Don’t dwell on the bad things, revel in the good things you have done because that is living in the NOW.
Self-validation is a skill that has to be learned. After you have learned it, practice it. Begin by trying to do one little self-validation act a day. The next day, add another act and build upon the first. Do this every day until it has become a new NOW habit. Journal about your changes.
Soon, self-validation will become natural. As you get better at it.
Examples of Self-Validation Statements
- Tell yourself it’s normal to feel this way.
- My feelings are valid.
- I’m making progress.
- I gave it my best effort.
- Good job!
- I am more than my successes or failures.
- My self-worth is not based on other peoples’ opinions.
If you can make like-minded statements and others of this nature, you have reached the respectful space of self-validation. You will feel like a new person, one that is self-confident and one who believes in yourself. You won’t even think of needing external validation. Due to your newfound confidence, more people will freely grant you validation. Win-Win in your new NOW!
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